Fake Craigslist Ad for Chief

 

I could never sell Chief.  I am way too attached, and just love him way too much.  But if I was going to write a Craigslist Classified ad for Chief it would go something like this…

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Love tears on Chief’s coat

“Red Ones are the Best Ones”

14 y/o, Almost 15h, old school chestnut aqha quarter horse gelding for sale.  Chief aka “Ten “o” sea,  A little horse with a mostly lackadaisical personality,  Chief is not exactly an “in your pocket” horse.   If you are a human, he could take you or leave you unless he is suspicious you have a treat for him. He is never blatantly disrespectful to your face on the ground, but is more like a passive aggressive partner.  He will probably give you dirty looks behind your back (a side eye or a wild eyed glare usually suffices) and he may try to bite you if he thinks he can get away with it.  If he knows you have a treat he will put his nose on you and blow hot breath until you give it to him.  He also doesn’t care how long the process of procuring the treat takes either.  For example, if you are picking his feet (which he stands perfectly for) he may put his nose on your butt and blow hot breath onto your ass until you get self conscious enough to stand up.  At which point he whips around to the front and pretends he was never there and has no clue what you are talking about.  Chief doesn’t love hugs, but will tolerate one for approximately 1.5 second before either going back to his pile of hay, or giving you a puzzled side eye from the highest height he can stretch his head.   He despises  selfies, is always aware the phone or camera is an object that he hates and when in very close proximity pins his ears and wildly only shows you one side of his face (in order to see you and your phone, camera weapon clearly.)  Chief has to go to an accepting and open home because he is bisexual. If his owner is judgmental of his sexual preferences it will make for a not so cohesive relationship.  Chief is into S&M and does not want to be judged or asked about it.

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If their faces aren’t almost touching, they aren’t happy.

He lets his boyfriend Puck (Warmblood) nip at his face, beat him up, and wildly chase him around the paddock, all the while happily prancing with  glee.  The more blankets that Puck tears up, the happier Chief becomes.  Although he doesn’t love looking ragged in his torn sheets, he loves the constant attention from his man.  Chief doesn’t have a “safe word” but instead only has to pin his ears and bite Puck back one time, and all nonsense ceases.  But when they are separated they pine for one another with whinnies, pacing and locked eyes and long stares.  Under saddle Chief has gotten much more calm when being cinched up, mostly taking good care of his rider.  I believe Chief is a dreamer though and if he starts to drift his attention from his job,  anything can scare the pants off of him.  Other than this little glich, plus the random girthiness that sends him into a small bucking frenzy he is “rock solid.”  Bareback though, Chief always assumes his rider is nonathletic with absolutely no independent seat and treats all riders equally, walking slowly as if he is anticipating you are going to come tumbling off at any second.  If you mistakenly ask him to trot while bareback, he will get pissed because he knows you are bound to fall off, so he makes that happen as quickly as possible.  When Chief really does not feel like being ridden he may test you and take a single large step away from the mounting block.  Adding to his passive aggressive personality Chief usually picks one small thing to make difficult for his rider at a time.  This may consist of holding his head up when bridling, spinning, bucking and other overly dramatic behavior.  When is it time for grain he doesn’t want to worry about anything else, but is perfectly content doing light work on a full belly.

He would probably make a great kid’s horse.

So clearly this is slightly embellished, and I love Chief way too much to ever sell him,  but if he had the wrong owner he would be many of these things to a “T.”

 

 

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