My horse gives me a foothold in a day of chaotic voices.
My horse gives me calm on a day where I have to pretend to love all of the people around me. People who’s voices may as well be screeching because that is what I hear after 12 years in this business. Every client who thinks their suffering and misfortune is the only thing at that moment that matters to me. Although my horse has given me more heartache than these clients combined, from that grew in me a sense of pride and love in myself I have never been able to find anywhere or in anyone else.
My horse gives me quiet and contemplation on a day where I can’t seem to get my own reprimanding/loving/beating/burning mind to stop talking churning away in my own head. I am spinning through each day and cannot understand how people meditate, have children, maintain calm exteriors when my mind just will not stop and I can barely keep it together. When I can’t make the movement of so much human energy around me melt together in any soft way that makes sense, my horse turns his head to me.
My horse, in his calm presence, in his bloodline of mud and sweat and tears elicits a final cease motion in my head. In a life where I am pretty much liked superficially by most people that I meet, my horse made me work for his affection and trust. There was no sense of a consistent connection in our very early relationship made up of mixed signals, misunderstandings and two very different languages. My horse now lets me hear his voice where I understand a few more words, and many more moments of affection, gentle soft breaths and curious lingering eyes.
My horse is my solitude. But he is also my pride and my exterior self. He is my friend and a true companion. My horse is my peace.